Friday, September 27, 2013

I didn't choose the Chili Life. The Chili Life chose me.

Why hello there fellow food eaters! How was your week? A disappointment? I felt the same way after looking at my bank account. But enough of that! Let’s get our cook hustle on! For this week is the long awaited promise of 
CHIL.

This!


Not This!

Here’s what we will need:



Two Saucepans (Which are really pots. Why can’t people just say get two pots?)
A thingamathing (The thing where you poke the food and turn it occasionally)
Rice
Van Camp’s Chil (without beans)
Salt
Shredded Cheese
Measuring Cups

Step 1: Fill up one saucepan with two cups of water. Put rice in. The amount should vary on how many people you are making for.




After putting a dab of salt into the pot, turn the heat mid-way on the stove and place the lid on so that it could boil faster. The rice should be ready after 15 minutes.



Step 2: Ready the chili. Normally you can put it in a microwave like so.

Boing. 

But I’m going in depth with this, so I’ll simply cook it on the stove.

Open the can like this:



Not like this:

Sheesh, where you from? Chile?!

Turn the heat a little above half-way and leave it for a good 6-8 minutes. Also be sure to stir it around every once in awhile.

Step 3: At this point you can add anything you want to the chil. For instance, I’ll be adding shredded cheese.




Step  4: Mix it all together and you're done! 



Alsoooooo

 Confession Hour!!!

I forgot to take a picture of the final product, mainly because I was so hungry to get to the final step of eating the food. I mean. It's food. 

 But none the less, here’s what it would have looked like more or less.

Exactly. Like. This. 

Guest Eater of the Week: Emily aka "The Rock"
First words on eating the Chili: 

Mmmm (mischievous laughter) All the flavors seem to be kicking in!

The source of this recipe I had prepared tonight was given to me by my one and only mother. Whom by coincidence also bore this child:

 
Also guess who gave into peer pressure about installing iOS?

See ya’ll next week!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

30 Seconds to Quesadilla

Hey there non-cooker-cookers! How’s your week been? Did you get that thing done that you were supposed to do?  No? Well you should get started on it, right after this!
Ya’ll are in for a treat this week as I went south for this weeks recipe and ingredients! That’s right! I went to the one and only Compare Foods!  For this week we are making Cheese Quesadillas!


Ahh yes, now we’re in the mood!

You will need the following:
Tortilla
Shredded Cheese
A Pan
Spatula



And anything else you deem worthy of throwing into the all mighty quesadilla.

A note on the tortilla. You can choose any type of tortilla you want as long as it’s flour. All Team Corn peoples can go do something else for awhile. 

Bow before the one, true king on his throne. 

Step 1: Prepare the pan! Pre-heat the stove a little nudge above a simmer.

Coincidently, pan means bread in Spanish!

Let's face it. We'd all rather see this movie than the original.
By we, I mean me of course. 

But we are dealing with tortilla's. They're sort of like breads cooler hispanic cousins that gets all the attractive people to like them.

Step 2: Put your tortilla onto the pan.

Not so fast, rocket scientist. 

Step 3: Sprinkle a merriment of cheese over the soft floury exterior of the tortilla, and then use the spatula to spread the cheesiness over the entire surface. 

I'm dreaming of a Quesadilla Christmas. 

Step 4: Place the other tortilla on top of the cheese. Now turn the heat up a little bit more to speed the process along.
If you want, you can imagine the two flours hugging the cheese
because it's a cruel and cold world out there.
That is if you want to... 

Step 5: Wait for your Latin flavors to cook for around less than five minutes. Make sure to use the spatula to flip it occasionally so both sides get cooked. 


Step 6: Wait a little bit more –


OH SHIT! Look what you guys did! You burnt it! Who told you to wait- 

Ohh. Ohhhhhhhhh. Oh. 

Yeah this is my bad guys. Sorry... 

 Well from this mistake we can learn to always check on your food to make sure it doesn’t get burnt!

Unless you actually like toasty foods. Freak

Step 7: Take your now cooked quesadilla off the stove and place it on a plate.

Bon appetit!

That's Portuguese for the meal is safe to eat now. 

Guest Eater of the Week: Roommate Stefan aka vegetarian #1

First words upon eating quesadilla: 

Damn. So many things come to mind. Toasty… Mexico… Salty.


Tune in next week for which I prepare another questionable meal!

And now to my sister for the post cook text wrap up!



Friday, September 13, 2013

What's Ham Got To Do With It?

Yo guys! So crazy thing happened. You know how I said I’d make chili this week? Well I sort of lied. Not really, but sort of. See, it turns out that while I did buy the ingredients weeks in advance, it would seem to appear that the ingredients had somewhat disappeared. Ingredients being meat and rice. First suspects were either roommates or gypsies. I'm going to narrow my suspicions to the former...

So instead of chili, I’m going to fix the next easiest thing I can find at my place which is my own recipe of a ham and cheese omelet! Or what I'd like to call the Hamolet Omelet!   

Also I’m starving so I mainly just want to eat food.

Here's your gear before you embark on your food crusade:
1 pan
1 whisk
1 spatula (I can never say this word without laughing. This, and snorkel. Go on try it.)
1 mixing bowl
X amount of Eggs. (I made four for me and four for the guest eater)
Butter
Milk
Salt
Pepper
Ham
Shredded Cheese


1st Step: Put your pan on the stove, get a dab of butter and spread it across the surface while turning on the heat to a low sizzle. The butter is so whatever you place in there won't stick. 



2nd Step: We get the eggs! You crack the eggs! You put them in the mixing pot!


It helps if you don't name the eggs, otherwise you grow attached to them.

Sorry Cleatus...
3rd Step: Stir them up! You should keep on doing this until they are nice and runny. But not too runny or they’d run out the door!

But not too runny or they'd run out the door!

Bonus Fact#1: I like to think I'm funny.

Or funny looking at least.

4th step: At this point, being the only carnivore within my household, I like to show my dominance by regularly consuming various assortments of meat in front of the vegetarians. The meat that I will be eating today will be ham. Lovely, lovely ham. And one of the key ingredients to Hamolet Omelet. Just put it on the pan and flip it over every now and then so both sides are heated properly. 

We aren't just cooking food now. We're cooking love.
5th step: Go back to the mixing bowl now! Add a smidgen of milk to the mix, as well as a dash of salt, a dose of pepper, and a dab of shredded cheese.

Keep on stirring!

Bonus Fact#2: Uhmm.... Koala Bears aren't actually bears.

Who'd a thunk? 

Also lets backtrack here for a second. I don’t necessarily follow metric or imperial measurement laws, so I’ve grown accustomed to my own form of measurement:

1 smidgen= 3 dashes
1 dash= 2 dabs
1 dab= 2 doses
1 dose= 2 thumbsizes
2 thumbsizes= ?

Ya follow so far? Great! Of course you don’t!

6th step: Stir the rest of the ingredients together, they should flow better now that you’ve added milk to the mix. So stir it up and pour it into the pan!

Wooo almost done champ!  
7th step: Chill. And watch eggs happen.

Nature 
8th step: Once the eggs start to heat up, flip them over and repeat again till they’re done and ready!

Dem some nice eggs ya got there

9th step: enjoy in your breakfast dinner arrangement!

  
Guest Eater of the Week: Neighbor Joseph aka cool hipster neighbor who has a dope beard

First words that were spoken upon knocking on his door: “Oh heyyyy…. You?”

After eating first bite:  “These are eggs right?”



There you have it! My personal recipe of Hamolet Omelet!

Lets wrap this up with an uplifting text from my sister:




Thursday, September 5, 2013

You Better Believe It's Spaghetti!

I’m not so big on introductory posts so here’s all that you need to know about this blog and me. I’m a dude who doesn’t necessarily know how to cook so I’m making a blog (a web log to the cavemen demographic out there) to show other non-cookers what’s what. You can call me “Cook-Dude” “Cook-Guy” or “A Disappointment” according to my older sister. Whatever floats your boat, cause I really don’t care.

So being my first post I thought I’d start off with something easy. Like spaghetti. It’s Italian! Italians are easy (going) right?
Where the magic will soon happen.  
To start off this recipe of (hopefully) non-disaster these are the main ingredients I used:

Barilla Whole Grain Noodles
&
Classico Italian Sausage
The gang's all here guys!
One could also use some sort of ground beef as meatballs but I pussied out and decided not to because I’m like that sometimes.

Step 1: Get a pot. Fill a little over half way full of water and place it on the stove like so. 

You're doing great so far! Keep it up you! 
Step 2: Turn the heat up high so the water can start to boil. Put a pinch of salt in as well to speed things up. Also a smidgen of olive oil so that the noodles won’t stick. Speaking of olive oil….

I'll take "Things Not To Do" for $100, Alex. 
ONLY PUT A SMIDGEN OF OIL INTO THE POT! Otherwise it will just be a hot-tub of olive oil boiling away your noodles and nobody wants that.

You're a virgin for a reason.  
Anyways after dumping out that vat of oil, I proceeded to fill the pot with water again but this time I only added a drop of oil. 

Step 3: Wait until the water starts to boil. This may take awhile depending on how high you keep your heat settings.

Step 4: Once the water starts to boil add your noodles! Add noodles by breaking them in half over the pot so that the excess noodles don’t fly anywhere. 

Boil them till you hear their screams.
The amount of noodles you add depends on how many people you plan on serving. So chances are if you are reading this you’ll be cooking just for one. 


Step 5: Once the noodles are in the pot you wait again for roughly 10-15 minutes. Once it’s approaching the end mark, scoop out a noodle and cut it with a fork. The softer it is, the better to eat!


Step 6: Pick whatever sauce you want. There’s a variety of them so don’t be stingy with it. I however chose Classico’s Italian Sausage sauce. 
 
Just look at that sauce. 
Step 7: Eat your work you magnificent chef!


Guest Eater of the Week: Austin aka friend in my classes

Whose first words after eating a bite of the italian food were:

"Whole wheat noodles... Very healthy."


The recipe I drew from:


And the text message from my ever encouraging sister of her hearing the news of my expenditure.  

She doesn't know she's adopted yet.
So there you have it! You now know how to cook and eat spaghetti! Don't you feel like you've accomplished something?! 
Not really? 
Well me either... but really I did. Yay! 
Tune in next week where I turn rice and meat into one, creating it’s ultimate form of:

CHILI!