Breaking Breakfast

Hello non-cookers! I hope your week was full of food that you didn’t cook, because once again you are here under my tutelage to learn the art of basic cooking!

Scenario: You are at a party/social/mixer/sock-hop just having a good time. Across the room you see a fresh cutie giving you the love eyes. You start talking to one another and before you know it, both of you are back at your place doing the taxes.

You wake up next morning and realize they are still there. Chances are you and said other person are very hungry. What besides toast could you provide for their nourishment. At this point toast is practically an insult to their ingenuity.

Like what's your deal man?

Have no fear, as I will show you an eggcellent way of  how to impress your honey by making a 

Breakfast Meal .... For Adults! 

Pancake mix

Vanilla

Cinnamon

Eggs

Bacon

Shredded Cheese

Butter

Pancakes

Step 1: Pour a cup of pancake mix into a bowl.

Put a pinch of cinnamon and vanilla in there as well. 

Cause I mean let's face it, pancake mix gets lonely that none of their grandkids
 come visit them anymore...

Step 2: Pour a ¼ of a cup of water into the bowl. Then whisk thoroughly until you get rid of all the lumps from the mix.

Step 3: Spread butter around the base of the pan so that the ingredients won’t stick. Turn the heat to around medium heat.

Put a small amount of mix onto the pan.

Once the mix starts to look the brown-gold color flip it over. 

Repeat again in 30 seconds. Do this for how many pancakes that you and your schnookums desire.

Bacon

This next section is about bacon or the reason why everyone actually gets out of bed in the morning.

Step 4: Turn the heat up to medium-high. Place around three strips onto the pan. 

Once they start to turn brown and crispy flip over. Wait for about 40 seconds to a minute once on the other side then take off.

Eggs

Step 5: Crack open X amount of eggs based upon how ravaged you feel from last night.

 

So ravaged

Pour them all into a pan on medium heat. Scramble the pre-birds with your spatula.

Step 6: After 3-4 minutes turn down the heat and spread cheese on top of the mound of eggs that you are so desperately craving.

 

ye glorious mound

And there you have it! 

A breakfast fit for a morning of confusion and questioning of lifestyle choices!

 

So once the two of you are fed and back to the awkward glancing of please get out of my place I need you to go, you should ask said lad/lassie for a number to reach them on so you can repeat un-said events from last night.

Cause let’s face it. You really want to do that again. And by that, I mean bacon.

Guest Eater of the Week: Beth – A not so obnoxious freshman

“You done good pig.”

“Flavors are nice. Everything cooked thoroughly.”

The Once and Future Cheese

It began in the beginning, as do all beginnings begin. For this particular beginning took place at my grandmothers house when I was at the age of eight. Or perhaps nine. It was eight or nine. Anyway, the option had been presented to me by a relative for the question of if I wanted a grilled cheese for dinner.

You see the entire concept of grilled cheese was baffling to me. Cheese melted and fused with bread and butter?

"Blasphemy!" I shouted in my eight (or nine) year old mind. That entire notion is absurd and I will have no part of it.

Complete utter nonsense. 

 Let's have one more stock photo of grilled cheese to look at before we move on. 

Mmmm... isn't that nice?

Flash-forward several years later to when I was twelve. Or maybe thirteen? I’m at my house now. It is lunchtime. My mom offers me the option of grilled cheese. The moment pauses. I’m hungry.  I just want something to eat. My mind gives in.

“I guess,” I mumbled in my pre-teen angst. I didn't have anything better to do. I was done listening to Simple Plan's new album and my ex best friend is now going with my secret crush Cindy to the middle school dance fling....

Uhhh....

And just as soon as the creating process had begun it was over. What began as bread and cheese in the pantry and fridge had transformed into a snack combo that I didn’t believe was possible.

Then I had my first bite. I was drawn in.  For as simple as it is, this was the first recipe that made me realize I can actually make food for enjoyment rather than necessity.

If you couldn’t have guessed already, this weeks recipe post is

Grilled Cheese!

Even though this is a very simple recipe to create, everyone should know how to make it. 

And plus this is my thing and I can do what I want.

Step 1: Heat up a pan and spread butter over the surface.

Step 2: Butter the bread. Both of them.

Make Paula Deen jealous

Step 3: Add cheese to both sides.

Think of it as an edible Tetris.

Step 4: Add a tablespoon of love and a dash of care.

Step 5: Turn the heat between medium and high and place the bread together on the pan.

Step 6: Let it grill for 2-4 minutes. Be sure to check in often so that it’s not burnt.

Flip over once it’s a healthy brown color and wait till the other side is the same.

Step 7: Take off and admire. Also eat if desire.

And rhyme till your heart can't soar any higher!

There you have it. A basic staple to any beginners knowledge of cooking.

Guest Eater of the Week: Me! 
 (It’s because I don’t have any friends and Netflix only feeds on my credit card)

“Between you and me, this is to die for.”

As I wrap this post up I leave you with this question to ponder in this autumn season. Is there any recipe or dish that you have a fond memory of or that you are sentimental about? If so post in the comments!

Full circle

The Nightmare before Bakemas

  

Hello there my non-cooker groupies! It’s almost my absolute favorite time of the year!

Halloween!

And for this special time of the year I’ve decided to bake something truly ghoulish and ghastly:

SUGAR COOKIES!

It's okay children. Miley Cyrus is just afraid of you
as you are of it. 

You see, growing up with two sisters and a whole plethora of female cousins you would think I would have gotten around to baking some sort of pastry or cookie.

Well you are wrong in that thought. And I blame my sisters for that.

They're just sad because they never let me bake with them.

I would have added so much comic relief they
wouldn't have handled it.  

Well all that changed very recently as I managed to bake cookies for the first time ever!

That’s right! And I will show you how I did it!

Step 1: Put a ½ cup of sugar and 6 tablespoons of soft unsalted butter into a bowl.

 Mesh it all together until it forms as one.

Pour in ½ teaspoon of vanilla.

Put the egg into bowl. 

And then beat it. 

I hope you are proud of yourself.
You egg-beater. 

Step 2: In a separate bowl, put 1 ½ cups of flour, ½ teaspoon of baking powder, and ½ teaspoon of salt.

 

Whiter than a Mumford and Sons concert

Add all of these ingredients into the first bowl then mix. 

The end result should be a doughy mixture of dough. For me it was still pretty sticky, so I added in more flour and the problem went away. Just go ahead and get your hands in there and mush it around. It's great. Trust me. 

At this point in the process I thought I was done. 

But I wasn't. 

So uhm... nice cookies?

Step 3: Put that dough in the refrigerator for at least 45 minutes- an hour. 

Just think of it as time-out for the dough. 

It's getting kind of kranky. 

Step 4: Now while the dough is chilling in the fridge, pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit.

I'm a pretty big Kelvin fan myself but today we will be going with farhernheit.

Also to note: This is an oven.

Step 5: Clear a nice space out on your counter. Lay down plastic wrap so you can give the dough red carpet/flour treatment once it's done having its alone time. 

Roll out your dough with a rolling pin. If you do not have a rolling pin you can find any suitable substitute for it.

Such as this wine bottle.

But don't worry; the contents of the bottle were consumed
 before the rolling process started.
  

Roll out the dough to a ¼ inch thick.

From here use any cookie cutters you want. 

I’ll be using the Halloween cookie cutters to give it a holiday vibe.

When placing your cutters, be sure to place them next to one another for maximum cookie usage.

Place them on the baking sheet.

And pop them into the oven!

It should take between 8-12 minutes to fully bake.

Ideal look should be gold around the edges.

Step 6: The Icing.  

Put 1 cup of powdered sugar into a bowl.

Put a couple tablespoons of some not quite-boiling water into the bowl to party with the powdered sugar.

 After mixing the ingredients together, it should form sort of a thick paste. At this point you can add any food coloring you desire, but in this particular case I used sprinkles instead.

Mother. Fucking. Sprinkles.

Spread the paste onto each cookie individually and pour the sprinkle goodness upon it.

And there you have yourself some goddamn Halloween Cookies.

(Please note that in the heat of the moment, the cookies, and the mother-effing sprinkles, I forgot to snap a few pics of the end result. However I am planning on remaking this recipe this weekend, and will update once more with pics)

It's done! Good job!

You did it!

I did it!

I did it.

I did it….

I finally made cookies for the first time in my life. That’s that…  

Well that was sure anti-climatic. I was worried that once I was done baking I would have some sort of existential breakdown on how expectations never live up to their hype and that recipes are kin to goals and objectives in your life that you need to follow in order to be a good person.

But a las. I am the same. Except that I now know how to bake sugar cookies in the shapes of ghosts and pumpkins.

Guest Eater of the Week: Caraline aka dancer who has the grace of a cat

“Mmmmmm?”

“Somewhat crunchy.”

Happy Halloween everybody!

The difference between sisters. 

The loving one

Although granted, I do annoy her more.

But she loves me.

I mean who doesn't?!