The Curious Case of Curry

 What up dudes and dudettes? Drop your skateboards or whatever you kids text with now a days and get ready for more kitchen shenanigans!

I’ve already covered some of the basic things you can make in the kitchen, like spaghetti and Shakespeare’s favorite omelet. Now I’m going to attempt to create something not so commonplace. CURRY!

More specifically, Peanut Curry!

This recipe was provided by my roommate. So if this all goes to hell just blame it on him.

This recipe was brought to you by the Roommate Foundation.
Where no one washes the dishes.
Seriously guys. Just do it.  

Let’s see what we will all need:

Rice

Coconut Milk

Peanut Butter

A Single Onion

Garam Masala

Tomato Paste

Step 1: Pour 2 cups of water in pot with rice. Turn heat to low-medium. 

Step 2:  Dice Onions and put them in a pan. Turn to medium heat.

If in the process of dicing onions someone asks why you're crying
just say you saw a vision of their future career at Wal-Mart.

Step 3: Shake up coconut milk. Pour it into the onion pan and mix it around.

Step 4: Put small amount of tomato paste into pan. Mix.

Step 5: Put in a handful of garam masala into pan. Mix.

Step 6: Put peanut butter into pan. Mix. 

When I asked Roommate why peanut butter, he responded with “It makes the sauce thicker and the taste better.”

A response that would truly make George Washington Carver roll in his grave.  

Step 7: After letting both items heat for around 20 minutes, turn off heat and admire your work.

You did it! You made Peanut Curry! You made a magnificent bowl of shitty peanut curry!

That's right. After my taste testers and I ate a few bites of this gleaming pile of waste
we immediately threw both of these pans out.

You are now allowed to mock Roommate for the recipe. 

Everyone say:

Booooooo Roommate 

Yep. He deserves it. 

Now enough of that. Your roommates will think you may be haunting them.

But all is not lost! You did something! You tried and took the effort and that’s all that matters!

Well eating also matters, but that’s beside the point.

Guest Eater of the Week: Ben aka musical genius 

“I don’t think it’s supposed to taste like this.”

“Is this even curry?!”

Until next week I bid you farewell and happy non curry cooking!

I'd also like to take this opportunity to showcase her improper use of
"your" when it should be "you're". 

I didn't choose the Chili Life. The Chili Life chose me.

Why hello there fellow food eaters! How was your week? A disappointment? I felt the same way after looking at my bank account. But enough of that! Let’s get our cook hustle on! For this week is the long awaited promise of 

CHIL.

This!

Not This!

Here’s what we will need:

Two Saucepans (Which are really pots. Why can’t people just say get two pots?)

A thingamathing (The thing where you poke the food and turn it occasionally)

Rice

Van Camp’s Chil (without beans)

Salt

Shredded Cheese

Measuring Cups

Step 1: Fill up one saucepan with two cups of water. Put rice in. The amount should vary on how many people you are making for.

Since I was cooking for two I no longer felt like this.

After putting a dab of salt into the pot, turn the heat mid-way on the stove and place the lid on so that it could boil faster. The rice should be ready after 15 minutes.

Step 2: Ready the chili. Normally you can put it in a microwave like so.

Boing. 

But I’m going in depth with this, so I’ll simply cook it on the stove.

Open the can like this:

Not like this:

Sheesh, where you from? Chile?!

Turn the heat a little above half-way and leave it for a good 6-8 minutes. Also be sure to stir it around every once in awhile.

Step 3: At this point you can add anything you want to the chil. For instance, I’ll be adding shredded cheese.

Step  4: Mix it all together and you're done! 

Alsoooooo

 Confession Hour!!!

I forgot to take a picture of the final product, mainly because I was so hungry to get to the final step of eating the food. I mean. It's food. 

 But none the less, here’s what it would have looked like more or less.

Exactly. Like. This. 

Guest Eater of the Week: Emily aka "The Rock"

First words on eating the Chili: 

Mmmm (mischievous laughter) All the flavors seem to be kicking in!

The source of this recipe I had prepared tonight was given to me by my one and only mother. Whom by coincidence also bore this child:

 

Also guess who gave into peer pressure about installing iOS?

See ya’ll next week!

30 Seconds to Quesadilla

Hey there non-cooker-cookers! How’s your week been? Did you get that thing done that you were supposed to do?  No? Well you should get started on it, right after this!

Ya’ll are in for a treat this week as I went south for this weeks recipe and ingredients! That’s right! I went to the one and only Compare Foods!  For this week we are making Cheese Quesadillas!

Click here right after you read that part about the cheese quesadilla.

Ahh yes, now we’re in the mood!

You will need the following:

Tortilla

Shredded Cheese

A Pan

Spatula

And anything else you deem worthy of throwing into the all mighty quesadilla.

A note on the tortilla. You can choose any type of tortilla you want as long as it’s flour. All Team Corn peoples can go do something else for awhile. 

Bow before the one, true king on his throne. 

Step 1: Prepare the pan! Pre-heat the stove a little nudge above a simmer.

Coincidently, pan means bread in Spanish!

Let's face it. We'd all rather see this movie than the original.
By we, I mean me of course. 

But we are dealing with tortilla's. They're sort of like breads cooler hispanic cousins that gets all the attractive people to like them.

Step 2: Put your tortilla onto the pan.

Not so fast, rocket scientist. 

Step 3: Sprinkle a merriment of cheese over the soft floury exterior of the tortilla, and then use the spatula to spread the cheesiness over the entire surface. 

I'm dreaming of a Quesadilla Christmas. 

Step 4: Place the other tortilla on top of the cheese. Now turn the heat up a little bit more to speed the process along.

If you want, you can imagine the two flours hugging the cheese
because it's a cruel and cold world out there.
That is if you want to... 

Step 5: Wait for your Latin flavors to cook for around less than five minutes. Make sure to use the spatula to flip it occasionally so both sides get cooked. 

Step 6: Wait a little bit more –

OH SHIT! Look what you guys did! You burnt it! Who told you to wait- 

Ohh. Ohhhhhhhhh. Oh. 

Yeah this is my bad guys. Sorry... 

 Well from this mistake we can learn to always check on your food to make sure it doesn’t get burnt!

Unless you actually like toasty foods. Freak. 

Step 7: Take your now cooked quesadilla off the stove and place it on a plate.

Bon appetit!

That's Portuguese for the meal is safe to eat now. 

Guest Eater of the Week: Roommate Stefan aka vegetarian #1

First words upon eating quesadilla: 

Damn. So many things come to mind. Toasty… Mexico… Salty.

Tune in next week for which I prepare another questionable meal!

And now to my sister for the post cook text wrap up!

What's Ham Got To Do With It?

Yo guys! So crazy thing happened. You know how I said I’d make chili this week? Well I sort of lied. Not really, but sort of. See, it turns out that while I did buy the ingredients weeks in advance, it would seem to appear that the ingredients had somewhat disappeared. Ingredients being meat and rice. First suspects were either roommates or gypsies. I'm going to narrow my suspicions to the former...

So instead of chili, I’m going to fix the next easiest thing I can find at my place which is my own recipe of a ham and cheese omelet! Or what I'd like to call the Hamolet Omelet!   

Also I’m starving so I mainly just want to eat food.

Here's your gear before you embark on your food crusade:

1 pan

1 whisk

1 spatula (I can never say this word without laughing. This, and snorkel. Go on try it.)

1 mixing bowl

X amount of Eggs. (I made four for me and four for the guest eater)

Butter

Milk

Salt

Pepper

Ham

Shredded Cheese

1^st Step: Put your pan on the stove, get a dab of butter and spread it across the surface while turning on the heat to a low sizzle. The butter is so whatever you place in there won't stick. 

2nd Step: We get the eggs! You crack the eggs! You put them in the mixing pot!

It helps if you don't name the eggs, otherwise you grow attached to them.

Sorry Cleatus...

3^rd Step: Stir them up! You should keep on doing this until they are nice and runny. But not too runny or they’d run out the door!

But not too runny or they'd run out the door!

Bonus Fact#1: I like to think I'm funny.

Or funny looking at least.

4th step: At this point, being the only carnivore within my household, I like to show my dominance by regularly consuming various assortments of meat in front of the vegetarians. The meat that I will be eating today will be ham. Lovely, lovely ham. And one of the key ingredients to Hamolet Omelet. Just put it on the pan and flip it over every now and then so both sides are heated properly. 

We aren't just cooking food now. We're cooking love.

5th step: Go back to the mixing bowl now! Add a smidgen of milk to the mix, as well as a dash of salt, a dose of pepper, and a dab of shredded cheese.

Keep on stirring!

Bonus Fact#2: Uhmm.... Koala Bears aren't actually bears.

Who'd a thunk? 

Also lets backtrack here for a second. I don’t necessarily follow metric or imperial measurement laws, so I’ve grown accustomed to my own form of measurement:

1 smidgen= 3 dashes

1 dash= 2 dabs

1 dab= 2 doses

1 dose= 2 thumbsizes

2 thumbsizes= ?

Ya follow so far? Great! Of course you don’t!

^6th step: Stir the rest of the ingredients together, they should flow better now that you’ve added milk to the mix. So stir it up and pour it into the pan!

Wooo almost done champ!  

^7th step: Chill. And watch eggs happen.

Nature 

^8th step: Once the eggs start to heat up, flip them over and repeat again till they’re done and ready!

Dem some nice eggs ya got there

^9th step: enjoy in your breakfast dinner arrangement!

  

Guest Eater of the Week: Neighbor Joseph aka cool hipster neighbor who has a dope beard

First words that were spoken upon knocking on his door: “Oh heyyyy…. You?”

After eating first bite:  “These are eggs right?”

There you have it! My personal recipe of Hamolet Omelet!

Lets wrap this up with an uplifting text from my sister: