Chicken In The Middle

Hello there kitchen-hustlers! You’re back! Or I assume you're back since you are currently reading this post, but anyway welcome back! Again.

This week’s recipe will be:

Fried Chicken!

Chicken. Now that’s a word I heard a lot while in middle school.

“You don’t want to give me the answers to the math test? You’re a chicken!”

“You too scared to fight Brad? You’re a chicken!”

“What part did you get in the school’s dietary food play? Oh, you’re a chicken!”

This recipe may not be as fancy as steak or a healthy start to the day, but just like middle school once you go through it, the results may be fantastic.

Ingredients

Eggs

Chicken Tenders

Bread

Salt

Pepper

Any herbs ya want

Vegetable oil

Step 1: Place chicken on plastic wrap. Coat chicken with the wrap. 

Now beat the shit out of the chicken. Works best with a  mallet or a rolling pin. If you do not live in medieval times or do not have a mallet, fists also work quite well which is what I used. The purpose of this is to flatten the chicken. 

If you gain sympathy before beating the chicken, just picture it as a douche with frosted tips and sunglasses.

WHO HAS THE FUNNY NOSE NOW BRAD?!

Step 2: Dice up bread and put the pieces in a food processor. I didn’t have a food processor so I just made breadcrumbs with my hands. 

I did this with two slices, but looking back I would have used at least a few more as there weren't enough.

Step 3: At this point in the shebang put all of your salt/pepper/herbs and whatever you want onto your chicken. I was too cheap and only provided salt and pepper on mine. 

College livin'

Step 4: Break an egg into a bowl and whisk thoroughly. 

Now with the egg juices still in the bowl, put your chicken into the bowl so that it’s coated evenly with both sides of the yolk.

At last, mother meets child again but probably not in the way they intended.  

Step 5: Drag your yolked chicken through the bowl of breadcrumbs. Be sure to coat each side as evenly as possible.

This part is nothing to yolk about.  

Step 6: Add around a cm of veggie oil to the pan. Turn the heat around to med-high.

Place the chicken into the pan. Leave for about 3-4 minutes. Ideal color should be gold brown. 

Be sure to check on your chicken every now and then! My first pair turned even darker than I anticipated.

Step 7: Remove chicken and place on a plate with paper towels. From here ya done son. 

And that's fried chicken! 

Ehh yay?

So it didn’t really turn out the way I thought it was going to, but overall it tasted okay. Somewhat dry but still okay! The main problem I think was that I didn’t have any mustard and other herbs to put on and I should have added more breadcrumbs as well.

Bringing things full circle, this recipe turned out more or less like middle school. It was a mostly confusing process that one can only appreciate when looking back. At least this time I don’t have an acne problem and Cindy from homeroom isn’t here to break my heart. Plus I have chicken!

Eat your (non-existing) heart out Cindy!  

Guest Eater of the Week: Harrison- An Austin Powers aficionado

“This is actually pretty good. I can dig it!”

“I’m impressed!”

“Totally shagadelic.”

Stay tuned this upcoming week where I attempt to cook some sort of Thanksgiving side/meal!

i get 2 scooba sooon guyz

Raising The Steaks

Hey there non-cookers! I hope you’re ready for another hustle in the kitchen, for this week’s is a doozy. Cause this week the steaks are being raised even higher! *1st High Steak Joke

That’s right for tonight we make

  

Steaks!

 

Never have the steaks been this high.

2nd High Steak Joke 

I've always wanted to cook steak. Back when I was around 5 ft (for this memory I don't remember age but height) my family cooked steak for one occasion. I recall watching my dad and the other male figures gathering around the grill, a plate of finished meat rested nearby while the aroma of beef wafted through the air. They laughed and chilled, while ever so nonchalantly prodding and flipping the meat over on the grill. They made it look so easy. 

Ever since then, I've always had this picture in my mind that steak is the quintessential meat that showcases toughness and skill. That once you achieve this level you can be apart of the cool kids club of men that can talk about golf and other dad-related topics. 

And so now I will attempt to be a dad. Of steak. 

The recipe I followed was this one off of wikihow

Steak

Salt

Pepper

Herbs/Rub

Vegtable Oil

Butter

Frozen Green Beans

The Steak

Step 1: Salt the steak of your choice 40 minute prior to frying. This is so the moisture remains in the steak so it can be more tender.

Step 2: Oil the pan with a smidgen of vegetable oil. Turn the heat up high. Once the oil starts to smoke then go ahead and put the steak on.

Step 3: Let the steak cook from 3-6 minutes. You may want to check the bottom side of the steak occasionally during this period to make sure that it’s not getting burnt.

At this point it’s going to smoke like crazy and set off your fire alarm, which I assume happens to everyone who cooks this.

 

Also don't mind the huge splatter of meat juices next to the pan...

Step 4: Open windows and fan out the remaining smoke in your house/apartment/dwelling/adobe hut. I used a kitchen towel to get a better maneuver of the fanning motion. Hands also work effectively.

 

Post-Smoke Clean Out

Step 5: Once the steak is fully cooked, turn off the heat and let it rest on the pan. 

It had a busy day and needs to rest. While it simmers down on the pan use this time to put any herbs or rubs to your meat. I used Weber Steak ‘N Chop Seasoning on mine.

Step 6: Using a knife, cut a tiny portion of the end off to see how done your steak is.

This is a helpful guide for you to consider.

Green Beans

Step 7: Put water in a pot and turn the heat up high. Once the water starts to boil turn it off and put in the frozen green beans.

Step 8: Crank the heat up again and once the water starts to boil again ya done.

Potato Rolls

Step 9: Go to a supermarket. Go down the bread aisle. Find potato rolls. Grasp ahold of said potato rolls. Proceed to Cash Register. Purchase potato rolls. Eat at your expense.

There you have it! You have jumped over the circle of a non-steak-cooker and have entered the elite esteemed group of steak cookers! You are now a steak dad or mom! You can now laugh and talk about golf! Congrats! 

But after trying it myself I was very impressed. I cooked steak! And it was actually good! 

Guest Eater of the Week: Nathaniel - A Train Conductor 

"This steak is tough. Like life"

"It's good at the center." 

please donate. i need to scuba

Breaking Breakfast

Hello non-cookers! I hope your week was full of food that you didn’t cook, because once again you are here under my tutelage to learn the art of basic cooking!

Scenario: You are at a party/social/mixer/sock-hop just having a good time. Across the room you see a fresh cutie giving you the love eyes. You start talking to one another and before you know it, both of you are back at your place doing the taxes.

You wake up next morning and realize they are still there. Chances are you and said other person are very hungry. What besides toast could you provide for their nourishment. At this point toast is practically an insult to their ingenuity.

Like what's your deal man?

Have no fear, as I will show you an eggcellent way of  how to impress your honey by making a 

Breakfast Meal .... For Adults! 

Pancake mix

Vanilla

Cinnamon

Eggs

Bacon

Shredded Cheese

Butter

Pancakes

Step 1: Pour a cup of pancake mix into a bowl.

Put a pinch of cinnamon and vanilla in there as well. 

Cause I mean let's face it, pancake mix gets lonely that none of their grandkids
 come visit them anymore...

Step 2: Pour a ¼ of a cup of water into the bowl. Then whisk thoroughly until you get rid of all the lumps from the mix.

Step 3: Spread butter around the base of the pan so that the ingredients won’t stick. Turn the heat to around medium heat.

Put a small amount of mix onto the pan.

Once the mix starts to look the brown-gold color flip it over. 

Repeat again in 30 seconds. Do this for how many pancakes that you and your schnookums desire.

Bacon

This next section is about bacon or the reason why everyone actually gets out of bed in the morning.

Step 4: Turn the heat up to medium-high. Place around three strips onto the pan. 

Once they start to turn brown and crispy flip over. Wait for about 40 seconds to a minute once on the other side then take off.

Eggs

Step 5: Crack open X amount of eggs based upon how ravaged you feel from last night.

 

So ravaged

Pour them all into a pan on medium heat. Scramble the pre-birds with your spatula.

Step 6: After 3-4 minutes turn down the heat and spread cheese on top of the mound of eggs that you are so desperately craving.

 

ye glorious mound

And there you have it! 

A breakfast fit for a morning of confusion and questioning of lifestyle choices!

 

So once the two of you are fed and back to the awkward glancing of please get out of my place I need you to go, you should ask said lad/lassie for a number to reach them on so you can repeat un-said events from last night.

Cause let’s face it. You really want to do that again. And by that, I mean bacon.

Guest Eater of the Week: Beth – A not so obnoxious freshman

“You done good pig.”

“Flavors are nice. Everything cooked thoroughly.”

The Once and Future Cheese

It began in the beginning, as do all beginnings begin. For this particular beginning took place at my grandmothers house when I was at the age of eight. Or perhaps nine. It was eight or nine. Anyway, the option had been presented to me by a relative for the question of if I wanted a grilled cheese for dinner.

You see the entire concept of grilled cheese was baffling to me. Cheese melted and fused with bread and butter?

"Blasphemy!" I shouted in my eight (or nine) year old mind. That entire notion is absurd and I will have no part of it.

Complete utter nonsense. 

 Let's have one more stock photo of grilled cheese to look at before we move on. 

Mmmm... isn't that nice?

Flash-forward several years later to when I was twelve. Or maybe thirteen? I’m at my house now. It is lunchtime. My mom offers me the option of grilled cheese. The moment pauses. I’m hungry.  I just want something to eat. My mind gives in.

“I guess,” I mumbled in my pre-teen angst. I didn't have anything better to do. I was done listening to Simple Plan's new album and my ex best friend is now going with my secret crush Cindy to the middle school dance fling....

Uhhh....

And just as soon as the creating process had begun it was over. What began as bread and cheese in the pantry and fridge had transformed into a snack combo that I didn’t believe was possible.

Then I had my first bite. I was drawn in.  For as simple as it is, this was the first recipe that made me realize I can actually make food for enjoyment rather than necessity.

If you couldn’t have guessed already, this weeks recipe post is

Grilled Cheese!

Even though this is a very simple recipe to create, everyone should know how to make it. 

And plus this is my thing and I can do what I want.

Step 1: Heat up a pan and spread butter over the surface.

Step 2: Butter the bread. Both of them.

Make Paula Deen jealous

Step 3: Add cheese to both sides.

Think of it as an edible Tetris.

Step 4: Add a tablespoon of love and a dash of care.

Step 5: Turn the heat between medium and high and place the bread together on the pan.

Step 6: Let it grill for 2-4 minutes. Be sure to check in often so that it’s not burnt.

Flip over once it’s a healthy brown color and wait till the other side is the same.

Step 7: Take off and admire. Also eat if desire.

And rhyme till your heart can't soar any higher!

There you have it. A basic staple to any beginners knowledge of cooking.

Guest Eater of the Week: Me! 
 (It’s because I don’t have any friends and Netflix only feeds on my credit card)

“Between you and me, this is to die for.”

As I wrap this post up I leave you with this question to ponder in this autumn season. Is there any recipe or dish that you have a fond memory of or that you are sentimental about? If so post in the comments!

Full circle